The Real Christmas Card

17 Dec
The Real Christmas Card

(idea shamelessly lifted from my friend, Ellen)

Anyone with small children (or pets!) knows that getting a good photo of a clean, still and shiny small person/pet is nearly impossible.  If I made my Christmas card using the actual photos I’ve taken over the last year, it would look something like this…
card
Clockwise from top left:
  • Blurry memories.  How many of my photos are blurry?  All of them.  Kids don’t sit still.  And if they do, it is only to stare at a television.
  • Pistachio’s ultrasound photo.  Or Skeletor’s.  Or something.  Who the hell can see anything in these?
  • Photos of cute sibling love always end up being of injuries, or other dangerous kid behavior. (Her eyes were fine.)
  • Don’t take my picture! #1
  • Pickle’s Actual “Smile” Face
  • Violent Kid Love.  Hug or choke hold?  You be the judge.
  • Plum’s Actual “Smile” Face
  • Don’t take my picture! #2
(I have left out the entire collection of photos my husband has taken of me and the kids this year.  First of all, there are about 8 photos.  When the kids get older they’re going to wonder where the heck I was during their entire early childhood. Second of all, he tends to take photos when I am grumpy, not expecting a photo shoot, or sans pants. Or all three.  Awesome.  You’re thankful I left these out, trust me.)

 

Note: I found this cute card template on Shutterfly.

Things I Like Thursdays

14 Nov

I haven’t done a TILT in a while.  So here goes!

Honest Kids Goodness Grapeness is delicious.  And yes, I'm the one drinking it (my #1 pregnancy craving is always cold beverages). I've enjoyed the Honest Tea brand for years, because I like things on the less-sweet side, and their juices haven't disappointed either. Organic, less sugar and yummy?  I might even share this stuff with my kids! (Image from www.honesttea.com)

Honest Kids Goodness Grapeness is delicious. And yes, I’m the one drinking it (my #1 pregnancy craving is always cold beverages). I’ve enjoyed the Honest Tea brand for years, because I like things on the less-sweet side, and their juices haven’t disappointed either. Organic, less sugar and yummy? I might even share this stuff with my kids! (Image from www.honesttea.com)

Sweet Lemon Body Butter by The Body Shop. This was a gift and sat in my to-be-used-someday drawer of bath and body products for a long time. I brought it out when my expanding belly was itching one day, and just finished the tub up today. (Not to worry, another tub has been ordered and is on the way - it is on sale!)  It moisturizes well, and isn't too stinky. It smells like Bee Balm, which I love. (Image from www. thebodyshop-usa.com.)

Sweet Lemon Body Butter by The Body Shop. This was a gift and sat in my to-be-used-someday drawer of bath and body products for a long time. I brought it out when my expanding belly was itching one day, and just finished the tub up today. (Not to worry, another tub has been ordered and is on the way – it is on sale!) It moisturizes well, and isn’t stinky. It smells like Bee Balm, which I love. (Image from www. thebodyshop-usa.com.)

Make Your Own Snow Globe Kit by Seedling.  Okay, I don't actually own this - I just think it is awesome.  I would have loved this as a child.  And I'd probably still like it today.  Instructions say it is appropriate for ages 6+, and it can be found all over the web (Giggle, Yoyo, Amazon, etc.)

Make Your Own Snow Globe Kit by Seedling. Okay, I don’t actually own this – I just think it is awesome. I would have loved this as a child. And I’d probably still like it today. Instructions say it is appropriate for ages 6+, and it can be found all over the web  at stores like Giggle, Yoyo, and Amazon. (Image from www.uncommongoods.com.)

A porcupine in my throat…

5 Nov

This Mama was down for the count.

Strep visited 3 of the 4 family members and I was the third. When I felt a strange burning on my tongue I hoped for the best. But I was up at 2:30 that night, pretty miserable, and making calls to my doctor’s office (did you know that the answering service can make appointments?! Most excellent!).

The doctor’s office swabbed me to confirm (rapid strep tests, also most excellent) and sent me packing with a prescription and directions to lay low for a day while those antibiotics started working. Kids at school, I called work, told them I was in quarantine, had them send me some work, picked up my prescription and went home to change into my pajamas.

Here’s the thing about being home sick.  It is hard not to look around my house and see things that need doing. In my mind, I had laid out my plan for the day.  The plan consisted of mostly work, with just a few “I’m-sick-but-not-on-my-deathbed” housekeeping tasks thrown in.  Work 3 hours, change sheets, put away laundry, change diaper genie, take out trash, return library book, start dinner, work three more hours, get kiddos. Sounded good to me.

But you know what?  My plan was dumb.

I was tired.  I was sick. And I was (am!) 6 months pregnant.

Mamas, self care is too often sacrificed for the sake of laundry. Aren’t we smarter than that?

Laundry is never going to go away.  But hopefully, with rest, fluids, and Amoxicillin, strep throat will.

So I amended the plan.  Housekeeping triage.  I removed the stinky things from the house (trash and diaper genie), made some tea, did some work (but not enough) while sitting on the couch in pajamas, and took an hour-long nap.  Much better.

The laundry will still be there tomorrow – and yes, there will be more of it – but I’ll be feeling better.

Sick.

Mama’s Minivan

30 Sep

So we did this…

Yes, this is a minivan.

Yes, this is a minivan.

A year ago – maybe more – I took the champagne flutes out of the cabinet and a slew of sippy cups took their place.  Now, I own a minivan.  Transformation complete.

And the reason for the minivan?  We also did this…

Baby 3 - aka Pistachio

Baby 3 – aka Pistachio

The tiebreaker Tartlet is scheduled to arrive in January.

So far I’ve heard all of the regular responses:
  • You only have 2 hands!
  • You’re going to need a minivan! (Check!)
  • You’re going from a man-to-man defense to zone defense!
  • You DO realize there is birth control, right?
I’ve also heard:
  • Don’t stop at 3, have more!  (Interestingly I heard this from two good friends, both men, both with 3.)
So yeah.
I guess my husband and I have always felt like three was our number.  So we’re going for it.  I’m not going to lie.  We recently crunched the numbers and it seems crazy.  I had two grumpy/sick children last night and slept 4 hours last night, it seems crazy.  We will have 3 children under 4, which seems crazy.  (Aside: I DID just meet a woman who had her first and then 10 months [!] later had twins, so she had 3 under the age of 1!  She survived.  That makes me feel a bit better. Kind of.)  So yes, it does feel a bit crazy.
And we’ve used up both our names.  So Baby 3 is currently being referred to as “Commodore”.  Here’s hoping we come up with something before January.  A friend suggested that I refer to Baby 3 as “Pistachio” here on Sarky T.  I like it.  We’ll have a Pickle, a Plum and a Pistachio.  Works for me.
I’m trying to enjoy this pregnancy (thankfully, I have few complaints) as it is (very very very) likely my last. I’m trying to set into memory the butterfly kicks, and changes my body is going through. Everything happens earlier this time around – the good stuff – like feeling the kicks, and the not-as-great stuff like the waddle, round ligament pain, and heartburn.  The midwife calls it 3rd baby syndrome.  I trust her – she has 4.
An adventure, for sure.

Resolutions 2013 Revisited

24 Sep

Time for the yearly check-in to see how I am doing with those pesky New Year’s Resolutions.  Remember, I set the bar low this year – and good thing I did.

1. No face or neck tattoos. Not even temporary ones.

SUCCESS!

2. Avoid Diet Coke, monkfish liver and Pitbull concerts.

SUCCESS! Though I admit, I’d probably have a lot of fun at a Pitbull concert.

3. Learn to play an instrument (maracas, kazoo and tambourine count).

FAILURE.  Though we did buy a piano.  Which doesn’t make too much sense, since none of us know how to play.

4. Shower most days.

SUCCESS!  Except some Sundays, but that doesn’t really count.

5. Read one book, and see one movie in a theater.

SUCCESS!  I read the very long 11/23/63 as well as some others, and I saw Silver Linings Playbook in the theater.

6. Figure out how to listen to my podcasts in my car.

FAILURE.  But I’m giving myself a pass, since my house was broken into and my iPod (among other things) was stolen. The good news?  The police found the perps and all of my stuff.  The bad news?  They still have it in evidence.

Crime scene, dusted for fingerprints.

Crime scene, dusted for fingerprints.

7. Avoid reality shows about the Amish, and/or large tumors.

SUCCESS!  I’ve actually avoided most TV (except for Sesame Street and the ever-annoying Caillou), and most reality shows.  I have seen the entire first season of Orange is the New Black (love!) and I’m working on House of Cards now.  I call that a TV win.

8. Sleep. At least some.

SUCCESS! Kind of! We are in that magical place where both kids nap at the same time.  So that means Sunday naps for me. My kids are still up a bit, but that is slowly improving, and I’m up a bit (more on that later), but I’m still going to chalk this one up as a win.

9. Remember every family member’s name, every day.

SUCCESS!  We even lost and then added kitty family members. And I still remembered everyone’s name.

10. Organize the hall closet by April.

SUCCESS!  Done!  Twice this year!  Why this teeny closet get crammed with weird junk I don’t know.

Things to work on for the remainder of 2013 include: more time with friends, better breakfasts, and less clutter.

What are you working on?

 

What is that holding up your head?

20 Sep

And just like that, my daughter has a neck.

Granted, she’s always had a neck.  A cute little stem of a neck that I never really much noticed as it was holding up her big baby head, with its in-need-of-a-trim strawberry-blonde hair and sticky-outie ears. But today I noticed it.  Because it was different. She appeared to me, all at once, older, larger, like a child instead of a baby.

And that’s how it happens.  It’s a universal parenting experience. One day, when you aren’t expecting it, you look at that little boy or little girl and suddenly they look bigger, leaner, older, different.  They are changed – at least in your eyes – overnight.  It amazes me. Every single time.

Sweetie Plum

Turn Around (Harry Belafonte, Malvina Reynolds and Alan Greene)

Where are you going, my little one, little one,
Where are you going, my baby, my own?
Turn around and you’re two,
Turn around and you’re four,
Turn around and you’re a young girl going out of my door.
Turn around, turn around,
Turn around and you’re a young girl going out of my door.

Where are you going, my little one, little one,
Little dirndls and petticoats, where have you gone?
Turn around and you’re tiny,
Turn around and you’re grown,
Turn around and you’re a young wife with babes of your own.
Turn around, turn around,
Turn around and you’re a young wife with babes of your own.

Bedtime. Please.

16 Sep

Bedtime for Pickle.  We’re trying to rein it back, since it keeps getting longer and longer.  It is a long-ish routine to start with, but really, it should be simple enough: pajamas, TV show, pull-up, teeth, 2 books, 2 songs, bed.  How long can that possibly take?

Forever.  That’s how long.

Zzzzzzzzzz

My sister, amazed by his creativity and persistence, encouraged me to write down Pickle’s stall tactics/questions/pre-bed needs wants and desires.  So here is a (non-exhaustive!) list.  Yes, these are all real.  And yes, this is why bedtime takes forever.

  1. I have to pee.
  2. I have to poop.
  3. I want you to come sit with me while I poop.  So we can chat.  No I’m not done yet.
  4. I don’t want to wear overnight undies (aka pull-ups).
  5. My overnight undies itch.
  6. My overnight undies are too hot.
  7. My overnight undies hurt me.
  8. These pajamas are too hot.
  9. I want to take my pants off.
  10. These pajamas are too cold.
  11. I need to floss because I have yuckies on my teeth.
  12. I need to shower because I have so many yuckies. I didn’t wash all of my parts in the bath earlier tonight.
  13. I have to wash my hands.
  14. My hands hurt.
  15. My belly hurts. It feels like boo-boos.
  16. I need a “belly fixer” (Tums).
  17. I want to do “belly fixers” (a completely made-up placebo I came up with that consists of vaguely yoga-ish poses that will make belly ailments go away).
  18. I have to throw up.
  19. I have to pet the cat. I love her.
  20. I want the cat in my room.
  21. I want the cat on my bed.
  22. The cat licked my head. I want the cat off of my bed.
  23. I want the cat out of my room.
  24. I’m thirsty but I don’t want water.  I want milk, and then I want to brush my teeth again.
  25. I’m hungry.
  26. I want to do three more flips on your bed.
  27. I just need to sit on this large pile of clothes and pretend it is a horse.
  28. I want the light on in my room.
  29. I want the light off in your room.
  30. I want to read more books by myself.
  31. I do not like any of the 60 books in my room.
  32. I want you to read me more books.
  33. I want the light off.
  34. I want the curtains open.
  35. I want the curtains closed.
  36. I want the curtains open again, but just a little bit.
  37. I want my door closed.
  38. I want my door closed, but not all the way.
  39. I just need to try to tie the legs of my pajamas in a knot.
  40. I’m a little sad.
  41. I want you to check my room for lions and bears.
  42. I have to pee.
  43. I need an extra cuddle from you.
  44. I need an extra cuddle from Dad.
  45. I want to talk about things.
  46. I want to tell you something.
  47. I have a question.
  48. I want to tell you a secret.
  49. I have a surprise for you.
  50. I want you to sing me three songs.
  51. I didn’t like those songs; I want you to sing four more.
  52. Do you know a song about blueberries?
  53. My penis itches.
  54. Do you know a song about donkeys?
  55. I know a song about blueberries. I will sing it to you. (Cue 8 minute mash-up of songs he knows – none of which have anything to do with blueberries – interspersed with nonsense words.)
  56. I want to sing you three more songs (of the same long, made-up variety).
  57. I want you to sing me three more songs (including the full-length versions of Wheels on the Bus and She’ll Be Coming ‘Round the Mountain).
  58. What does ______________ mean (insert each line of each song here)?
  59. I want to talk about the day (this has included discussions about dog vomit, the origins and purpose of hospitals, and the ins and outs of air travel).
  60. I want to talk about tomorrow.
  61. I don’t like the plan for tomorrow and would like to discuss changing it.
  62. I want to negotiate donuts and lots of TV for tomorrow.
  63. I want a treat right now.
  64. I have yuckies on my teeth and need to brush them again.
  65. I want to see my sister. I love her.
  66. I want to hug my sister.
  67. I want to bring my sister something.
  68. I want to take something from my sister.
  69. I need Alfie/Cubby/Baby Bear/Monkey. (Always a stuffed animal conveniently not located in his room.)
  70. I’m still hungry.
  71. I want an apple.  Peeled, but not cut up.
  72. I want more water.
  73. I have to pee again, and I want you to come with me.
  74. My blanket is too hot.
  75. I want a cold blanket.
  76. I don’t want any blankets.
  77. Where is my other blanket?
  78. Why do we need blankets?
  79. I want your blanket.
  80. I want you to make me a nest of blankets on my bed.
  81. The nest of blankets you made me is not right.  I want to make the nest. (Cue 10 minutes of nest-making.)
  82. The nest I made is all wrong!  I blame you!  And I’m still thirsty!
  83. Where is the cat?
  84. I need to wear my hat/headlamp/bear slippers/stethoscope to bed.
  85. I’m not tired.
  86. I want the light back on.
  87. I want Dad.
  88. Why are you yelling at me?
  89. I have to pee again.
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