Here’s Looking at You…

I don’t know what to call my children.

Oh, I know what to call them to their faces: their names, love, my love, sweetie, pickle, pickle pie, doodle.

And I know what to call them here: Mr. Pickle and Miss Plum.

I just don’t know what to call them when I am referring to them individually.

Because in most instances, I don’t like the word “kid.”  I know. Weird.

It sounds strange to me, almost low brow. It sounds condescending. It sounds mean, “Hey Kid! Get off of my lawn!”

It clangs against my brain like hearing people refer to their spouses/wives/partners/girlfriends as “the old lady” (in my house that is grounds for immediate, no-contest divorce).

The only people who gets passes for using the word “kid” are boxing coaches, bookies, and Bogart.

Plural? That doesn’t bother me. “My kids are great, thanks for asking!” or “Time to go gather the kids from Grandma’s house!”

I know I’m not the only one with a weird word aversion. My college roommate (and about 30% of the population, it seems) doesn’t like the word “moist.” (Pondering: I wonder how they would describe their perfect cake?)

So here’s the problem… I can’t figure out the right word to use. Sometimes it just isn’t appropriate to use their first name (for example, looking for shoes in a store, the sales person will think I’m weird if I say, “Mr. Pickle needs shoes,” since he/she doesn’t know Mr. Pickle.)


  • Child – too fancy-formal-pants-y. And a little Priest-ly? (Not 90210 Jason Priestly – the Churchy, collared type.)
  • Kiddo – I don’t mind it, but recently it has been seen on some lists of overused words/phrases alongside amazeballs, awesome sauce, DH, hubby, OMG, and Ryan Gosling.
  • Peanut – No.
  • Kidlet(te) – I like this one, but I sound like a schmuck saying it out loud. And it maybe too close to “piglet”.
  • Son/Daughter – Probably the best option, though a bit formal.

So what are your word aversions? And how do you refer to your offspring? Inquiring minds want to know…

2 thoughts on “Here’s Looking at You…

  1. I call my son my boomba. I have no idea where it came from. I just know the instant they showed him to me, he was my boomba. Recently a 4 year old kid corrected me and said “hey that is not his name!” My response? I am his momma. That means I get to call him whatever I want!

  2. Oh no! I didn’t realize Amazeballs with a side of Awesomesauce was over-used! I only first heard it a couple of weeks ago and promptly Facebook commented on own of my friends photos. Now she probably thinks I am passé and trite:(

    But as for what to call your kids, I usually refer to them as either “the boys”, “the big one”, “the little one”, “teh Child”(must be pronounced teh), pumpkin, pumpkin pie.

    When asked by the saleslady if I need help, I might say, “The boy needs shoes,” or “I’m looking for something to turn my son into Spiderman,” but yes it is soo strange to say my son, or sons. I have sons! WTF!OMG!BBQ!

What say you?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s