Charmed, I’m Sure

Recently, a friend pondered why grown women would wear charm bracelets.  They aren’t her thing, but as someone who admits a lifelong love of cute tiny things – kittens, trial sized toiletries, cheap plastic charms (see footnote), dollhouse furniture (SQUEE!) – I can understand the lure of kitschy, shiny, jingly, tiny charms.

So I started thinking about an updated, true-to-life set of charms for a grown woman’s charm bracelet.  Here’s what I came up with…

College Graduation: Forget the typical mortar board, or scroll, this represents the length - in years - of your student loans!

College Graduation: Forget the typical mortar board, or scroll, this represents the length – in years – of your student loans!

Minivan: Hello Practical! Goodbye Cool!

The Minivan Purchase: Hello Suburbia! Hello Comfy Underwear! Hello Practical Shoes! Goodbye Most Everything Else.

The Desk Job: Celebrate your dedication to your desk job - underpaid, under-appreciated, and over-educated with and ever- widening tush.

The Desk Job: A constant reminder that you are over educated, underpaid, under-appreciated, with an ever-widening tush.

Toilet Training - Because you deserve it after asking "Do you have to pee?" 4 million times, and locating every public restroom in a 100-mile radius.

Toilet Training: Because you deserve it after asking “Do you have to pee?” 4 million times, and locating every public restroom in a 100-mile radius.

Second Mortgage:

Second Mortgage: Forget the charm for your first home, here’s a real milestone…

First Trip to the ER because Your Child Gets Something Stuck Up Their Nose: Probably a Barbie shoe.

First Trip to the ER because Your Child Gets Something Stuck Up Their Nose: Probably a Barbie shoe.

First Readers: Since when did restaurants start using such tiny fonts?

First Reading Glasses: Since when did restaurants start using such tiny fonts?

10th Anniversary and/or the Number of Times You Now Have Sex Per Year: Because you're both tired.

10th Anniversary and/or the Number of Times You Now Have Sex Per Year: Because you’re both tired.

Holidays with the In-Laws: It just gets better every year.

Holidays with the In-Laws: It just gets better every year.

First Will and Life Insurance Policy: This means you are now officially too old to check out the college lacrosse team.

First Will and Life Insurance Policy: You are now officially too old and creepy to check out the college lacrosse team.

What am I forgetting?

**********

All of these charms (and about 4,000 more) can be found at Rembrandt Charms.  They don’t know me, I just thought it was pretty amazing to find such an extensive collection.  I mean, a coffin? A toilet seat? A boxing kangaroo? Who honestly goes looking for a charm of a boxing kangaroo?  I am baffled that there is a market for that. Wonders never cease…

Really?

Really?

Footnote: If you grew up in the 1980’s and/or early 1990’s don’t search the interwebs for a photo of that super cool plastic charm necklace you owned in 1986.  Why? Because you will find 450,000 fascinating websites and pins with loads of amazing things from the 1980’s and you will spend hours browsing while you should be doing something else.  You will also consider purchasing one.  Gatorade gum! Caboodles Makeup Cases! Navy Perfume! Vuarnet shirts! Star Search! I give this post… three and one quarter stars!

Plastic Charm Necklace

The abacus charm was my very favorite.

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3 thoughts on “Charmed, I’m Sure

  1. Cate, if you did a charm bracelet for senior girlfriends, the first one would have to be the toilet seat! I NOW KNOW WHERE EVERY AVAILABLE PUBLIC BATHROOM IS IN SOUTHERN NH!

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