The Hardest of Choices

It was a sad day.

The timeline:

Two friends who were occasional lovers discovered they were unexpectedly pregnant.  The news was shocking and scary.

They spent the past few weeks navigating this new normal, and working out who they were going to be (and not be) as a couple, friends and as parents.  They made the decision to embark on the journey together.

Prenatal testing revealed some heart-breaking information about the fetus they were carrying.

After careful consideration of all options and possible outcomes, they made the gut-wrenching decision to terminate.

It’s hard to offer them the support they need – it is hard to know what they need.  It is hard to figure out the right things to say, especially as they gaze at my big pregnant belly.  It is hard not to worry about the little Plum Baby in my own belly.  It is hard to figure out what I would do in a similar situation.  No matter how different our situations are, it is hard not to at least wish – just a tiny bit – that they had tried.  But I can’t walk in their shoes.  And I am in no position to judge.  I know their hearts are true, and good. I know their intentions and hopes are true and good.  I know this was the toughest decision they will ever have to make.  I just wish the tough stuff wasn’t so tough sometimes.  And I wish them grace, and strength, and courage, and healing.

(I’m aware of the elephant in the room here, and consciously chose not to tread into the complicated realm of religion and religious belief in this post.  Instead of going there, I’m choosing to send positive and healing thoughts, and I hope you’ll do the same. Thank you, Friends.)

Things I (Would) Like Thursday…

1. A prenatal massage.  I’d get one, but I’m a little hesitant.  Last time around I got a wonderful massage and my water broke that evening (I was at 37 weeks and 1 day).  I’ll wait until I’m full term to get one, just in case.

2. A salami sandwich with dijon mustard on bad-for-you white bread.  I would like one per day, or maybe two thankyouverymuch. No cold cuts?  Boooooooo.

3. My co-worker to GET IT.  I am not in IT, but I have patiently explained ___________ (fill in the blank with basic word processing, Office or Outlook tasks) many times.  In several instances, I have taken time out of my day to write out directions for you. Please.  Please, just leave me alone.  Follow the directions.  I don’t know how to explain, again, what a shortcut is.

4. I would like to just pick a crib, and order it.  What the heck am I waiting for?  It’s kind of like a diner menu – too many choices and I’m paralyzed by indecision.  I need one page of choices, not 26.

5. A cold beverage.  Because I am obsessed with cold beverages.  It feels like an addiction. Truly.  What a strange pregnancy craving.

6. More beets.  I ate a huge pile o’ beets at lunch today.  So good.  Earthy, purple yum.  And now I’ve gotta get some more.  You can’t beat the beet!

7. Not to have to hoist and haul and groan, and flop myself over in bed. I have officially reached the unwieldy stage o’ this pregnancy.  My husband says I groan dramatically (in my sleep!) every time I turn over.  Worst part?  I know it isn’t going to get any better.

7a. I would like to wake up to pee less times during the night.  See also, number 5.

8. To know why my hands are suffering from cold weather dryness for the first time ever in my life.  I never understood those gals slathering on the hand cream.  Now I do.  It ain’t pretty.

9. A lower insurance deductible.

10. A nap every day. Nothing extreme.  Maybe an hour.

Grumpus. C’est moi.

I’m disappointed.  Just regular life stuff, the usual characters, and I’m not sure how much to chalk up to the pregnancy-hormone-crazies and how much to chalk up to the situation.

I’ve made myself a promise that I’m not going to wallow.  I’m not going to do things that make me feel worse (like visiting the Facebook pages of people who have hurt or wronged me in the past – who? me? what? never.). A glass of wine is out.  I’m not going to eat a pint of ice cream (pregnancy leaves me appetite-less, crazy, I know).  I’m not going to write angry e-mails (unless, anonymous vague blog posts count?).  I’m not going to send angry texts.  I’m not going to let my mood  melt into annoyance at the clutter and dirt in my house that is all of a sudden making me nutty.

So what am I going to do?   Quit whining.  Go to bed.  Be sad.  Think about how to calmly present my point to those who have disappointed me – but not think too long or too hard because I’m not going to change anyone. I’m going to go stroke my sleeping boy’s hair, and realize that tomorrow this will seem smaller.  And I’m going to hope tomorrow brings less of the pregnancy-hormone-crazies.

 

 

 

Things I Like Thursdays!

TIL #1:

Pregnancy cravings?  Yes.  Yesterday it was Honey Nut Cheerios.  I had to have ’em.

And then I ate two huge bowls full.

And then I regretted their honey nut goodness.  Urg.

TIL #2:

Boden.  Boden.  Boden Boden!  First, Boden is a family name.  We’re pondering its use as a first name for our second born. We’re pondering mildly.

But more importantly Boden. Yes, please. Bright. Modern with a nod to British (er, because it is?), a nod to mod, a nod to cheeky, a nod to tongue in cheek.  Fabulous design and attention to detail.  Great fabrics.   They manage to make lovely bold prints without making me think of 1970’s furniture or housecoats.

When Mr. Pickle Pumpkin was little he received an outfit from Mini Boden. The pants are comfy and cute and reversible.  The top was bright and funny.  And I kept squeezing him into that outfit until he was busting out of it a la a mini Lou Ferrigno –> Hulk.  I visit their site regularly and add the set of 5 bright, striped, long-sleeved onesies to my shopping cart.  Then I don’t purchase them.  But someday… someday I will.  And Mr. Pickle Pumpkin HAS to have these too…

mini Boden reversible baggies - adore!

Disclaimer: no one at General Mills or Boden knows who I am.  I just like their stuff, and that’s all there is to it.